surabaya: May 2007

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Romantic love

Historically
Part of a series on Love

Courtly love
Religious love
Types of Emotion
Erotic love
Platonic love
Familial love
Puppy love
Romantic love
See Also
Unrequited love
Problem of love
Celibacy
Sexuality
Sex
Valentine's Day

Romantic love is a form of love that is often regarded as different from mere needs driven by sexual desire, or lust. Romantic love generally involves a mix of emotional and sexual desire, as opposed to Platonic love. There is often, initially, more emphasis on the emotions than on physical pleasure.

Varieties and aspects

Romantic love can be returned or unrequited. In the former case, the mutual expressions of love can lead to marriage or to the establishment of a permanent relationship, which in most cases will include passionate sexual love. Where the love is one-sided (unrequited), the result can be damaging to the self-esteem and/or the psychological welfare of the spurned lover.

One aspect of romantic love is the randomness of the encounters which lead to love. It may be for this reason that some in Western society have historically emphasized romantic love far more than other cultures in which arranged marriages are the tradition.^{[dubious — see talk page]} However, the globalization of Western culture has spread Western ideas about love and romance.

Romantic love became a culturally recognized passion during the Middle Ages, when in some cases insurmountable barriers of morality or convention separated lovers. The effect of physical attraction and the impossibility of intimacy often resulted in the lover experiencing an excessive regard of the beloved as extremely precious. Winning the love, or at least the attention, of the beloved motivated great efforts of many kinds, such as poetry, song, or feats of arms.

In more modern times, romantic love has been the theme of art and entertainment in all its forms. Some of the greatest poetry (e.g. Shakespeare's sonnets), opera (e.g. La Boheme), and literary prose (e.g. Pride and Prejudice) has romantic love as its main theme. Similarly much popular culture, from theatre to film to popular music, has romantic love at its heart. However, it has not been without its critics. Virginia Woolf called Middlemarch one of the few English novels for "grown up people" given its pessimistic portrayal of marriage.

Properties of romantic love purported by Western culture include these:

It must take you by surprise (be the result of a random encounter).
It cannot be easily controlled.
It is not overtly (initially at least) predicated on a desire for sex as a physical act.
If requited, it may be the basis for a lifelong commitment.

As above mentioned, though it is widely believed that romantic love relationships are unique to Western culture, they may be found in various cultures, although they may appear in forms/styles which Western people would not immediately recognise.

One of the oldest romantic serenades was written in Arabic in Iran, and there are diaries written in 12th century Japan in which people expressed their emotional and passionate feelings towards loved ones. One famous Hyakunin-ishu - the collection of the poems - reads: "even I suppress my feelings to her, it appears too obvious to others as asked if there is anything wrong with me..."

Due to globalisation, Western romantic love has become more commonly recognized; many people now identify it as the only form of romantic love.

Fantasy against reality

While romantic love as discussed above is a dream of many, some claim that such love as is depicted in books and movies rarely, if ever, occurs. They point to the modern practice of dating, where often the goal is to have sexual intercourse as soon as possible instead of building a lasting relationship. Often, the rigorous demands of careers in the modern world rob people of the time to find such ideal companions, and mental disorders such as social anxiety disorder prevent people from approaching others. In addition, the high prevalence of divorce in western society may be an additional deterrent for individuals seeking long-term, romantic relationships with the possibility of marriage. Yet while romantic love may remain no more than a dream for many, as a dream it is unquestionably a powerful influence on real-world behavior and judgments.

History

The term amor platonicus was coined as early as the 15th Century by the Florentine scholar Marsilio Ficino as a synonym for amor socraticus. Both expressions signify a love focused on the beauty of a person's character and intelligence rather than on their physical charms. They refer to the special bond of affection between two men Plato had highlighted in a dialogue, and exemplified by the affection between Socrates and his young male pupils, in particular to the one between Socrates and Alcibiades.

The English term dates back as far as Sir William Davenant's Platonic Lovers (1636). It is derived from the concept in Plato's Symposium of the love of the idea of good which lies at the root of all virtue and truth.

Paradox

Ironically, the very eponym of this love, Plato, as well as the forementioned Socrates and Ficino, all belonged to the community of men who desire boys, and they all engaged in erotic pedagogic friendships with youths. The concept of platonic love thus arose within the context of the debate pitting mundane sexually expressed pederasty against the philosophic – or chaste – pederasty elaborated in Plato's writings (Symposium, Phaedro, Laws, and others).

Plato and his companions.

Regarding Socrates, John Addington Symonds in his A Problem in Greek Ethics states that he "...avows a fervent admiration for beauty in the persons of young men. At the same time he declares himself upon the side of temperate and generous affection, and strives to utilize the erotic enthusiasm as a motive power in the direction of philosophy." According to Linda Rapp, Ficino, by platonic love, meant "...a relationship that included both the physical and the spiritual. Thus, Ficino's view is that love is the desire for beauty, which is the image of the divine."^[2]

Because of the common modern definition, platonic love can be seen as paradoxical in light of these philosophers' life experiences and teachings. Plato and his peers did not teach that a man's relationship with a youth should lack an erotic dimension, but rather that the longing for the beauty of the boy is a foundation of the friendship and love between those two. However, having acknowledged that the man's erotic desire for the youth magnetizes and energizes the relationship, they countered that it is wiser for this eros to not be sexually expressed, but instead be redirected into the intellectual and emotional spheres.

To resolve this confusion, French scholars found it helpful to distinguish between amour platonique (the concept of non-sexual love) and amour platonicien (love according to Plato). When the term "Platonic love" is used today, it generally does not describe this aspect of Plato's views of love.

The understanding that Platonic love could be interpreted as masculine eros is alleged by some socio-historical critics to be linked with the social construction of a homosexual identity ^{[citation needed]}, and the cultural model of platonic friendship / pederasty was supposedly used by educated gay men since the early Renaissance^{[citation needed]}.

Alcibiades – beloved of Socrates, a love given as an example of what was later named Platonic love

References

This article incorporates text from the Encyclopædia Britannica Eleventh Edition, a publication now in the public domain.
Gould, T. (1963) Platonic Love. New York: The Free Press.

^ "Platonic love definition", Reference.com
^ "Linda Rapp in glbtq"

External link

Plato's Theory of Love

History

Paradox

Plato and his companions.

Alcibiades – beloved of Socrates, a love given as an example of what was later named Platonic love

References

This article incorporates text from the Encyclopædia Britannica Eleventh Edition, a publication now in the public domain.
Gould, T. (1963) Platonic Love. New York: The Free Press.

^ "Platonic love definition", Reference.com
^ "Linda Rapp in glbtq"

External link

Plato's Theory of Love

Religious views

Whether religious love can be expressed in similar terms to interpersonal love is a matter for philosophical debate. Religious 'love' might be considered a euphemistic term, more closely describing feelings of deference or acquiescence. Most religions use the term love to express the devotion the follower has to their deity, who may be a living guru or religious teacher. This love can be expressed by prayer, service, good deeds, and personal sacrifice. Reciprocally, the followers may believe that the deity loves the followers and all of creation. Some traditions encourage the development of passionate love in the believer for the deity. Refer to Religious Views below. The tension between religious love of the other and self-affirmation is resolved in part by contrasting both love and self-affirmation with their impostors. Further analysis and references about such contrasts are summarized by Roderick Hindery in comparative religious contexts and in the framework of love as confirming the other.

Specific Religious views

In alphabetical order:

Bahai

Bahai says, "This is the truth and there is naught beyond the truth save error. Know thou assuredly that-

Love is the mystery of divine revelations! Love is the effulgent manifestation! Love is the spiritual fulfillment! Love is the light of the Kingdom! Love is the breath of the Holy Spirit inspired into the human spirit! Love is the cause of the manifestation of the Truth (God) in the phenomenal world! Love is the necessary tie proceeding from the realities of things through divine creation! Love is the means of the most great happiness in both the material and spiritual worlds! Love is a light of guidance in the dark night! Love is a bond between the Creator and the creature in the inner world! Love is the cause of development to every enlightened man! Love is the greatest law in this vast universe of God! Love is the one law which causeth and controlleth order among the existing atoms! Love is the universal magnetic power between the planets and stars shining in the lofty firmament! Love is the cause of unfoldment to a searching mind, of the secrets deposited in the universe by the Infinite! Love is the spirit of life in the bountiful body of the world! Love is the cause of the civilization of nations in this mortal world! Love is the highest honor to every righteous nation!

(Abdu'l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu'l-Baha v3, p. 525)

Buddhist

In Buddhism, Kāma is sensuous, sexual love. It is an obstacle on the path to enlightenment, since it is selfish.

Karunā is compassion and mercy, which reduces the suffering of others. It is complementary to wisdom, and is necessary for enlightenment.

Advesa and maitrī are benevolent love. This love is unconditional and requires considerable self-acceptance. This is quite different from the ordinary love, which is usually about attachment and sex, which rarely occur without self-interest. Instead, in Buddhism it refers to detachment and unselfish interest in others' welfare.

The Bodhisattva ideal in Tibetan Buddhism involves the complete renunciation of oneself in order to take on the burden of a suffering world. The strongest motivation one has in order to take the path of the Bodhisattva is the idea of salvation within unselfish love for others.

LOVE

LOVE is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection or profound oneness.^[1] Depending on context, love can have a wide variety of intended meanings. It is commonly conceived of romantically, as a deep, ineffable feeling of intense and tender attraction shared in passionate or intimate interpersonal and sexual relationships.^[2] Love can also be conceived of as Platonic love,^[3] religious love,^[4] familial love, and, more casually, anything considered strongly pleasurable, desirable, or preferred, including activities and foods.^[5]^[2] This diverse range of meanings in the singular word love is often contrasted with the plurality of Greek words for love, reflecting the concept's depth, versatility, and complexity.

Definitions

Wikiquote has a collection of quotations related to:

Love

The definition of love is the subject of considerable debate, enduring speculation, and thoughtful introspection. In ordinary use, love usually refers to interpersonal love, an experience felt by a person for another person. Love often involves caring for or identifying with a person or thing, including oneself (cf. narcissism). Dictionaries tend to define love as deep affection or fondness.^[1] In colloquial use, according to polled opinion, the most favoured definitions of love involve altruism, selflessness, friendship, union, family, and bonding or connecting with another.^[6]

The different aspects of love can be roughly illustrated by comparing their corollaries and opposites. As a general expression of positive sentiment (a stronger form of like), love is commonly contrasted with hate (or neutral apathy); as a less sexual and more mutual and "pure" form of romantic attachment, love is commonly contrasted with lust; and as an interpersonal relationship with romantic overtones, love is commonly contrasted with friendship, although other connotations of love may be applied to close friendships as well. >[1]

The neutrality or factuality of this article or section may be compromised by weasel words.
You can help Wikipedia by improving weasel-worded statements.

The very existence of love is sometimes subject to debate. Some categorically reject the notion as false or meaningless.^{[citation needed]} Others call it a recently-invented abstraction, sometimes dating the "invention" to courtly Europe during or after the Middle Ages.^{[citation needed]} Others maintain that love really exists, and is not an abstraction, but is undefinable, being essentually spiritual or metaphysical in nature.^{[citation needed]} Some psychologists maintain that love is the action of lending one's "boundary" or "self-esteem" to another.^{[citation needed]} Others attempt to define love by applying the definition to everyday life.^{[citation needed]}

Cultural differences make any universal definition of love difficult to establish. Expressions of love may include the love for a soul or mind, the love of laws and organizations, love for a body, love for nature, love of food, love of money, love for learning, love of power, love of fame, love for the respect of others, etc. Different people place varying degrees of importance on the kinds of love they receive. Love is essentially an abstract concept,^{[citation needed]} easier to experience than to explain. Because of the complex and abstract nature of love, discourse on love is commonly reduced to a thought-terminating cliché, and there are a number of common proverbs regarding love, from Virgil's "Love conquers all" to The Beatles' "All you need is love".

Love Poem

A Special World

A special world for you and me
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.

Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to last.

And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.

- Sheelagh Lennon -

An Entrapment

My love, I have tried with all my being
to grasp a form comparable to thine own,
but nothing seems worthy;

I know now why Shakespeare could not
compare his love to a summer’s day.
It would be a crime to denounce the beauty
of such a creature as thee,
to simply cast away the precision
God had placed in forging you.

Each facet of your being
whether it physical or spiritual
is an ensnarement
from which there is no release.
But I do not wish release.
I wish to stay entrapped forever.
With you for all eternity.
Our hearts, always as one.

- Anthony Kolos -

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

- Courtney Kuchta

What I Love About You

I love the way you look at me,
Your eyes so bright and blue.
I love the way you kiss me,
Your lips so soft and smooth.

I love the way you make me so happy,
And the ways you show you care.
I love the way you say, "I Love You,"
And the way you're always there.

I love the way you touch me,
Always sending chills down my spine.
I love that you are with me,
And glad that you are mine.

- Crystal Jansen -

A gentle word like a spark of light,
Illuminates my soul
And as each sound goes deeper,
It's YOU that makes me whole

There is no corner, no dark place,
YOUR LOVE cannot fill
And if the world starts causing waves,
It's your devotion that makes them still

And yes you always speak to me,
In sweet honesty and truth
Your caring heart keeps out the rain,
YOUR LOVE, the ultimate roof

So thank you my Love for being there,
For supporting me, my life
I'll do the same for you, you know,
My Beautiful, Darling Wife.

- David G. Kelly -

A stranger you were once.
Then, with a gentle look you took my hand.
As our lives engaged,
you lit my life and I held both your hands.
Now that decades have passed,
ours souls have indeed become one.
How fortunate we are
that we have found the love so true
that everyone dreams about.

- Laura Veronica Merodio -

You're my man, my mighty king,
And I'm the jewel in your crown,
You're the sun so hot and bright,
I'm your light-rays shining down,

You're the sky so vast and blue,
And I'm the white clouds in your chest,
I'm a river clean and pure,
Who in your ocean finds her rest,

You're the mountain huge and high,
I'm the valley green and wide,
You're the body firm and strong,
And I'm a rib bone on your side,

You're an eagle flying high,
I'm your feathers light and brown,
You're my man, my king of kings,
And I'm the jewel in your crown.

- Nima Akbari

Friendship Poem

I believe in angels,
The kind that heaven sends,
I am surrounded by angels,
But I call them friends.

- Aizabel Parinas -

Standing by,
All the way.
Here to help you through your day.

Holding you up,
When you are weak,
Helping you find what it is you seek.

Catching your tears,
When you cry.
Pulling you through when the tide is high.

Just being there,
Through thick and thin,
All just to say, you are my friend.

- Brittani Kokko -

Friendship is like the breeze,
You can't hold it,
Smell it,
Taste it,
Or know when it's coming,
But you can always feel it,
And you'll always know it's there,
It may come and then go,
But you can know it'll always be back.

- Terri Fanning -

Friends will come and friends will go,
The seasons change and it will show,
I will age and so will you,
But our friendship stays, strong and true.

- Author Unknown -

A Friend's Greeting

I'd like to be the sort of friend that
you have been to me;
I'd like to be the help that
you've been always glad to be;

I'd like to mean as much to you
each minute of the day
As you have meant, old friend of mine,
to me along the way.

I'd like to do the big things and
the splendid things for you,
To brush the gray from out your skies
and leave them only blue;

I'd like to say the kindly things that
I so oft have heard,
And feel that I could rouse your soul
the way that mine you've stirred.

I'd like to give you back the joy
that you have given me,
Yet that were wishing you a need
I hope will never be;

I'd like to make you feel as rich as I,
who travel on
Undaunted in the darkest hours with you to
lean upon.

I'm wishing at this time that I
could but repay
A portion of the gladness that
you've strewn along my way;

And could I have one wish this year,
this only would it be:
I'd like to be the sort of friend
that you have been to me.

- Edgar A Guest -

Friends

There's nothing as nice as someone who shares,
your laughter, your secrets, your wishes and cares,
someone who's there through your good times and tears,
who stays by your side as your friend through the years.

- Autymn Skillings -

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you,
And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue

If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own,
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone

If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
Are impossible for me

I cannot build a mountain,
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there

- Kahlil Gibran -

The Gift Of Knowing You

There are gifts of many treasures
For both the young and old,
From the tiniest little trinkets
To great boxes filled with gold.

But, put them all together
And they could not stand in lieu,
Of the greatest gift of all
The gift of knowing you.

When your times are filled with troubles
Sadness, grief, or even doubt,
When all those things you planned on
Just aren't turning out.

Just turn and look behind you
From the place at which you stand,
And look for me through the shadows
And reach out for my hand.

I will lift from you your burden
And cry for you your tears,
Bear the pain of all your sorrows
Though it may be for a thousand years.

For in the end I would be happy
To have helped you start anew,
It's a small price to pay
For the gift of knowing you.

- Dave Stout -

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Romantic love

Varieties and aspects

Fantasy against reality

See also

Puppy love

Familial love

See also

See also

Platonic love

History

Paradox

References

External link

See also

Platonic love

History

Paradox

References

External link

See also

EROTIC LOVE

See also

Religious love

Religious views

Specific Religious views

Bahai

Buddhist

LOVE

Definitions

Love Poem

Friendship Poem

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